Working from home - Trials and challenges and...

So here we are, four-five months into this most recent 2020 Bingo-card entry of "dystopian-like pandemic" leading to separation from friends and coworkers and a 'new normal", as people keep saying. So where am I in this pandemic? I'd like to say I'm hanging in there, dealing as well as I can while helping my anxiety ridden partner and my panic-attack driven step-son.

I'd like to...

I'm struggling, friends. I don't know what to do. I want to curl up and cry really but that isn't practical. I'm still on my anti-depression meds - I forget them a lot but catching back up and feeling better now. Anxiety meds are on tap and using only half what is prescribed except when I need them. The two issues are - my husband is incredibly worried for me and son, and basically panics every time I have to go to work, no matter how careful I am, and my step-son, who is descending into a depression the likes of which I was at the brink of but never fell all the way in. And I'm the "Strong one" - Hah!

How to keep him on the level without attempting something drastic (see earlier mention of familiarity with Phoenix Psychiatric facilities). How to still do my job while not putting my husband in a stressful mode? How to deal with daily challenges without wanting to cry in a ball in the closet, but being unable to for fear of setting off one of the others. Last time I had a chance to cry I couldn't decide to cry or be really angry. I just laid there numbly for ten min then gave up.

I'm balanced on a razor's edge and trying to stay afloat. My psychology meeting are in the main room as my work laptop is my platform and it had no battery until today so future I can get private into my bedroom - that is a relief NOW. 

No idea when my med doc - sorry psychiatrist, will check in - can't remember the last time we talked.

What is working for you?

Side notes, many at work have been tested due to exposure. One friend/spouse of friend has died - still processing. Really want to just cry in a corner but ! Essential worker! Yay... Sigh. I need a hug - hubby is great but need more.

Miss you all...

May is Mental Health Awareness month

 Note: this is a re-write to focus my thoughts better.  Please enjoy and comment if you can.  There will be a part two. 

Depression and anxiety. 

Topics we don't typically talk about,  even to our best friends. There is guilt and shame tied to every diagnosis by popular media. 

So,  why do I want to talk about it?

I don't - want to talk about it. 

Even bringing it up causes the weight on my chest to intensify and my breathing to pick up, but I believe it is an under-represented emotion in our lives that needs further representation - immediately.

As a long term type one diabetic patient, as with many other chronic,  day to day diseases,  I live with the normal stresses healthy people have,  plus a minute by minute awareness of everything that affects my blood sugar and how to manage it.  Even with all the technology available for us to help us"manage" diabetes,  its not a cure,  and its still a constant thought.

So with all that going on,  depression and anxiety seem inevitable,  don't they? So why did I call it under-represented?

Very true - staggeringly true even - it is not low in existence - it is low in discussion - especially from those who are clinically depressed and even more to the point,  among the chronically afflicted auto immune patients. 

 There are all sorts of statistics that will prove that it's out there, but talking about it pulls such a feeling of failure from the "patient" - heretofore known as "me" that even mentioning it makes me feel like I did something wrong in my life to be here.

Full disclosure - I am currently on leave from work for mental health reasons. No I didn't "do anything stupid" - an offensive term I'll explain later. I merely, after 4-5 years of increasing stress - found myself at a point where concentration to do even the littlest things, like driving and eating, was non-existent. Where mini-panic attacks, with increased respiration, chest tightness almost feeling like a heart attack, and feeling the need to flee or hit something to distract myself, was not only a daily thing, it was an hourly occurrence. I realized I needed help somewhere leading up to that and talked to my professionals and some friends who have been where I am and got help.

Along the way I encountered surprise - that I couldn't handle the stress as well as others in my area - as if work was my only stressor (not that diabetes, dealing with my fathers cancer, slow death and being his executor had anything to do with it). I encountered disbelief, that an "extended vacation" could do anything to help - from even those closest to me.

Ultimately, many, many crying fits later - mostly in my car by the side of the road, I decided a leave of absence to get my life in order was necessary.

Let me get back to Depression - what is it?
Merriam-Webster defines Clinical depression as:
     Medical Definition of clinical depression

       : depression of sufficient severity to be brought to the attention of a physician and to           require treatment

       specifically : MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER
You can go to the link on major depressive disorder if you want to see where my head was for a long time. Add to that "generalized anxiety disorder" and you'll see why I felt it necessary to take time off.Ignoring all that for a moment - I am a unique individual - as we all are, but in this case - I've been through several points in my life where I felt the need to make a CHANGE.Yes - it's capitalized and bolded for a reason.It's important to note a couple of things here.1. At the time I took leave, I knew, or was no more than one person removed from, three wonderful people who took their lives.2. I know at least three people who worked their way into heart attacks or strokes in the past three years.3. I know all about the Phoenix Psychiatric situation and it terrifies me.Given the above, I have sworn (silently) that I will not inflict suicide on my loved ones - no matter how attractive a way to end my problems it might appear. This was an old vow from college I have renewed recently. I have also sworn that if my health is being impacted I need to do something about it.As a result - I am working on me. I'm going to cut this short now and talk more later, but the following points are important for those who care to follow this:a) I am getting helpb) It is really difficult and I am by no means enjoying this time off c) The guilt is overwhelming - have been talking to my psych about thatd) even med changes and more drastic measures (TMS - look it up) have not made significant changes - but some minor ones so far.e) larger changes are in storef) My husband loves me and is here for me. no matter if he understands or not, and that means the world to me..
My friends - I love you and miss you.More later,S.

When hugs aren't enough

"Hugs" - the most common response to sharing sad or distressing news. I've very recently stopped posting this response as I've learned from experience that while some sincerity is implied, it's often not what is needed.
When a person tells you of a grief or struggle, while a physical hug may provide some instant sorry, a virtual hug, repeated with every passing trouble, feels insincere.
I now feel that when someone tells you they are sick, or a friend or relative is dying, a better response may be, how can I help, what can I do to ease your friend or family member's way.
I, as the aggrieved, don't need a word, I need support, and the person suffering needs the words, the love, the help. Ask me how you can help them, not me.
I will recover, while they may not.

Tips and tricks

#DBlogDay number five: Tips and tricks

Writing this on my phone today, as sitting at my desk is too painful. Herein is my first tip:
1) Don't forget that not all of your health issues have to do with diabetes! Take care of yourself normally as well as "diabetically". I rolled over something on my side a few days ago. Thought I pulled a muscle so let it lie. Woke today in excruciating pain. Docs tell me it's a bruised or cracked rib. The lesson is: if it doesn't feel right get it checked out!

2) You are not alone!!! There are many others of us out here who share some of the same challenges you have faced. Don't be afraid to ask us for help! If we don't know, we probably know someone who does. We're not doctors and can't give medical advice, but we can give life advice and be a listening, compassionate, ear.

3) Nobody's perfect - everybody makes mistakes! Making a mistake isn't a reason to beat yourself up or to give up. Pick yourself up and keep moving on. It will resolve itself one way or another.

That's all I have for today I hope this helps somebody. Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Pulling the Wild Card!

Welcome to #DBlogWeek Day 4.

Today I'll be doing a running Blog, to cover the Wild Card Topic I've chosen for today:

Some people track every bite they eat, some might not remember at lunch time what they had for breakfast or if they even had breakfast. For one day, document everything you or your loved one with diabetes eats and drinks. The good, the bad, the ugly, the proud, the ashamed, the...whatever. We promise not to judge!!

I'll be keeping track, as the day goes on, as to what I eat, not just for meals, but for lows (and snacks!).

Breakfast today at 6:40am:

Eggo Blueberry Waffles with Butter (because nothing says today is going to be a great day like starting it with Real Butter. Mmmmmm).
Beverage - Mix from work I do - Diet Mountain Dew and a reddish fruit water that I just spent 15 min searching for - but it's yummy!
29 Carbs extended over an hour to cover the butter impact.

Mid morning snack (ok I hit 34 and had to EAT!!!)

Six GlucoLift Cherry Glucose tabs (18 carbs) which probably would have done it but 34 causes a bit of panic...  so followed that up with about 12 Ritz crackers (24 carbs) - followed by a unit of insulin a bit later to cover that spike.

Lunch at noon   ------------------------------>>>

Salad with chopped egg (15ish carbs)

Chocolate chip cookie (26 carbs)

Sobe lean cranberry grapefruit

Snack at 2:30p - remainder of my Ritz as sugars slowly sink to 82. This kept my sugar up around 90 at the 5pm end of day.

Dinner
About 1c white rice - 45g carbs - treat with 3U Humalog
3 oz seasoned salmon
7 brussel sprouts

AND - dessert - ok not quite but it's yummy!
1oz Grey Goose Vodka with 1oz  Buttershots Dekuypers Schnapps...
OK maybe 1.5 oz of each - hey it's a stressful week - ask me about it!

Hopefully I won't have to add a snack for miscalculation with alcohol later but we'll see, won't we? :-)

Watch Your Language!

How many times have you heard that from your parents? :-)

#DBlogWeek Day 3 Prompt:
Many advocate for the importance of using non-stigmatizing, inclusive and non-judgmental language when speaking about or to people with diabetes. For some, they don't care, others care passionately. Where do you stand when it comes to “person with diabetes” versus “diabetic”, or “checking” blood sugar versus “testing”, or any of the tons of other examples? Let's explore the power of words, but please remember to keep things respectful.

I have a slightly different take on the "PWD vs Diabetic" conversation. I was diagnosed back in 1971-ish range. The term "Diabetic" was generally used at that time - no one thought anything of it. Now we're in the 21st century and people are, as Heather Gabel pointed out, using "Person-first" language. Example - People with Diabetes, rather than Diabetic. I know a number of people who are varying levels of vehemently against terms like Diabetic in that it identifies a person as a disease or implies a close relation. I do my best when around multiple people who share my condition to fall on the most polite of courses, namely "PWD" or Person with Diabetes.

Now, for myself, I've really never thought of Diabetes as a disease. I mean, according to all the dictionaries I bothered to look at just now, it is indeed a disease, but I've always thought of it as a condition. I think of disease as something you catch, whether from people, insect, plant or food, is treatable and it ends eventually, via health or death. Well, we all do die eventually, right?

I like to think of it as - something happened and now my pancreas doesn't work right. I can take it out and replace it (I KNOW it's not that easy!) or I can react to the lack of insulin production. A chair with three legs has a condition known as "unbalanced" (much like me, but that's another tale). I have a condition known as "broken pancreas" and therefore I am a Diabetic - which really means "with close relation to Diabetes" or some such. The -ic ending defines us all... I own this term and am proud of my progress in controlling my condition and in sharing my thoughts, as evidenced in this blog.

On the -ic thought...

I am not only Diabetic...

     I am Dramatic (ask my husband)...

          I am Emphatic...

               I am somewhat neurotic...

                    And - I am Ecstatic that you came to read my blog!!

Love and Hugs!

Take my stress... No - please!

Day two of #DBlogWeek...
Tuesday's Prompt: We think a lot about the physical component of diabetes, but the mental component is just as significant. How does diabetes affect you or your loved one mentally or emotionally? How have you learned to deal with the mental aspect of the condition? Any tips, positive phrases, mantras, or ideas to share on getting out of a diabetes funk? (If you are a caregiver to a person with diabetes, write about yourself or your loved one or both!)

As is obvious to anyone with diabetes for longer than a week, or maybe less, diabetes introduces a whole other level of stress into your life. I actually did NOT understand this until well into adulthood when someone had me explain what I do each day to manage diabetes, and she said - WHAT??!! in horror. I guess I really don't think about what I have to do sometimes. It's been 45 years - most of it is routine at this point. Especially when wearing the Dexcom and pump. I've never felt that diabetes caused my depression, but it certainly is a few extra straws. I talked about it with my psych one day, how I always felt like I had too many balls up in the air and was just waiting to drop one, and wondering/worrying which ball it would be.

Turns out - what I need to do periodically is to look at all the shiny colorful balls and choose which one is less important for a while and let that one drop when needed. Sometimes it's housework (ok a lot of times :P ), sometimes it's being social (that one a little too much dropped) and sometimes I get a little lax on diabetes. We're not talking drop the balls entirely - just not looking at my Dex every half hour and just letting it alarm at me if needed.

As for my life partner, husband and love of my life, the stress inherent in taking care of my diabetes certainly shows in him. He's an active partner, pointing out when he thinks I might be low when I'm babbling on for no apparent reason, reminding me to bring my supplies when going on a walk around the neighborhood and running to grab OJ when needed. He wants to take my worries for me, sweet thing. He can't really do that, but it is really nice to have a little bit of a safety net, rather than to be alone as I was for my first 34 years of life and 31.5 years of diabetes. I am truly blessed to have him in my life.

My other means of escaping the "diabetes funk" we all  go thru from time to time... All of you - My D-Friends. The sharing we all do together is my other lifeline - We are not alone. Everyone's journey is different, and we all travel the road in our own way, but we can travel with friends, and share our successes and failures and that, my friends, is what the DOC is all about.

What is my message?

Why am I here? Not in the usual, philosophical search for God type of "Why?", but from the practical angle of why do I feel my voice needs to be heard, or more gently, why do I want to share my thoughts... That is not to say that there is also a philosophical angle as well, but I'll get to that.

For me, the most important Diabetes message would have to be - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! That means EVERYONE - T1, T2, T1.5 (LADA), Gestational, Monogenic, MODY, NDM, and any others I haven't heard of. While how the balancing works may vary, we all have things in common to bind us together. We all have a dietary concern and we all worry about blood sugar levels. It drives me crazy that there are those among us who feel their type is "worse" than another, or who still believe that some types of diabetes are self inflicted. (Be aware, I am moderating comments and hurtful ones will not be posted.)

We did not do this to ourselves - NONE OF US - NOR DID OUR PARENTS! My parents didn't feed me sugar the first two years of my life causing part of my pancreas to kick the bucket. My Type 2 friends did not eat themselves into it. In fact, modern science is starting to find that the weight issues seen alongside Type 2 may actually be indicators of the diabetes developing rather than than the cause.

As for what I am trying to accomplish, I would like to make sure that one person, any one person, realizes there are people out here that understand and are here for them. I was alone for most of my first 20+ years of my diabetes, and at times, it was crushingly lonely - no one understood. I didn't understand until 5 trips to the hospital that I am my own advocate and I can walk out of a hospital if I feel the need to do so (A six day trip in for a low that became high that became higher that became one more night for more testing until my father showed up and said Let's go!). We are here for you. Ask questions, ask for help. Someone out here has experienced something similar and can at least be there to listen.

I'm here - ask me about my diabetes, or yours, any time!

Depression and Diabetes

I thought I'd take a different tack on what many have addressed in the recent past.
I'm not talking about Diabetes Burnout, though that is a very real thing and I have experienced that as well over my last 40+ years with type 1 diabetes.

No, what I want to discuss/ponder about is having chronic depression alongside
diabetes.  This is something I've never really talked about "publicly" until very
recently (the Diabetes Unconference 2015), so please bear with me...

I have had symptoms of depression as long as I can remember. It wasn't too bad
when I was a child (I think) though some centered around being the "different kid".
Four-eyed, pigeon-toed teacher's pet - is kind of a label and a half to grow up with,

          Four-eyed - glasses since age three-ish.
          Pigeon-toed - yep - toes pointed in all my life - years of ballet couldn't fix it.
                 Thought it was less noticeable until a past boyfriend mentioned that he
                 thought it was "undyingly cute" that my toes pointed in - really??!!!??
          Teacher's pet - because what else do you call a kid who gets special snacks
                 in the middle of the day, or "gets to" be carried to the nurses office in
                 a hurry when she's passing out? Lucky kid! How dare she?!

Yeah - so I wasn't the happiest kid, but the depression really kicked in around college. I took off - left New York State and landed in Boston - not knowing anyone, and determined to make it work. I recreated myself - made myself look people in the eye, talked boldly to people (while quaking in my sneakers), and even got a job in a very busy convenience store to facilitate that type of interaction.

Know what? It didn't stop my depression. I still felt all alone. I had met one other Type 1 there - in the city of Boston - yes - one other diabetic - and his treatment method was insulin and getting drunk every night on beer. We didn't talk much. I had roommates and didn't really have any friends I felt open enough to share my alone-ness with so I'd find corners - The cement quad by the co-op buildings at midnight - a short walk from the dorm at the time  -it was a great place to break down and cry until I felt I could get a grip on it.

When my roomie was out I'd sit on the windowsill and look down ten floors at the cement walkway and think thoughts, but I'd talk myself out of them every time. "How would Mom feel" was my go to mantra.

My Diabetes wasn't under the best care - three week-long visits to University Hospital - now renamed and grouped elsewhere - for DKA and Pyelo-nephritis and I finally got myself an endocrinologist. I liked him, but I'm not sure he knew what to do with me. I was ALWAYS the youngest patient in his office and I think the longest term T1D he'd seen. He left a lot of things to me that probably shouldn't have been.  Until a couple years ago I still had never heard of Joslin, just a few miles away from my college.

Depression was never a discussion. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Why isn't depression one of the topics our Endos bring up with us? No - not everyone with Diabetes suffers it, but I'm thinking with all we juggle every day, we experience on average a higher amount of stress and have more depression triggers than some others, so why not?

Why have none of the many therapists I've seen in the past ten years (yeah it took me a while to get on board) ever brought up Diabetes as a trigger?

I have a lot more I could say on this topic but this was all pretty overwhelming so I'll leave it at this:

                  Maybe the burning desire to do more about Diabetes in the world
                  is leading me to this - to recognition that Diabetes and Depression
                            are something that needs to be discussed and treated.

                                                       And maybe I will...

Don't wait

I'm on my way home as I start this blog, but I feel so much from this last week plus, I wanted, no needed, to share.

The primary player in this story isn't diabetes. In fact, diabetes played only a back story role, though it certainly wanted the foreground at points.

Almost two weeks ago, my dad called me. He was in the hospital, and needed some support.  He had been feeling weak and his doctor had run some tests, and his red blood cell count was very low and told him to go to the hospital immediately. He'd been there three days when he called me. I caught the next flight out.

They wanted to do a colonoscopy, but were having trouble getting his bowels emptied. Long story short, he had a number of tests run, and he had a large mass in his colon, and smaller masses in his liver. It's colon cancer, and it's in stage four, and it has spread to his liver. Effectively, it had been restricting his colon more and more over time, causing weight loss, blood loss, and ultimately, loss of strength.

Since then, he has had the large mass removed, and will need to live with a colostomy bag from now on. He will need to start chemo once he is strong enough to withstand it to take care of the liver and anywhere else it may be lurking.

Now, I'm writing this in the airport waiting for my plane, and doing my best to hold together for a little while longer. This week has been an emotional rollercoaster. Dad was so weak when I arrived, and then kept mostly on a clear liquid diet for the next week, that by the time surgery came, I was very worried. I'm grateful my brother showed up that day, tho it did cause me to tuck away my emotions for a while longer, as breaking down in front of family just doesn't happen.

My sugars have been all over the place. Sometimes I can't keep them above 80, and others I can't get them below 200. I had one time I took the normal amount of insulin and I dropped almost three times faster than normal. Stress does funny stuff sometimes. I'm frankly exhausted, but relieved. He came out of surgery well and is in good spirits, if in a bit of pain. I leave him with my brother, who will help him thru healing and deciding on the next steps.

So what is the lesson here?

Dad turned 83 two days ago.

He NEVER had a colonoscopy. EVER.

He is an intelligent man, and he thought he made an intelligent decision. He researched it online after a doctor recently recommended one, and decided it looked like a hassle.

It is a hassle, but now he wishes he had just done it. Especially since the test itself was totally painless, before and after. Sure the prep isn't fun, but life is worth it, isn't it?

Are you over 50?
          Get it done.

Do you have a history of colon cancer in your family?
          Talk to your doctor and get it done as soon as recommended.

Save yourself all of what dad is going through.

Love and peace to all.

Let's keep going, and going, and going...

Day 7 of #DBlogWeek
I've quite enjoyed my first DBlogWeek. I've read (and honestly am still reading - there's a lot of them!) many new blogs! The two I'll point out here, which are by no means the only two I enjoyed, I pick out for two completely different reasons.

First, one of the new friends I made at #DUnCon2015, Laddie, has a wonderful blog I'd like to share. She blogs at Test, Guess and Go, and I really enjoy not only her puppy Abby's contributions, but Laddie's dialogues on long term Type 1 Diabetes. While she hasn't had it quite as long as me, we've been through many of the same trials and tribulations, and having met at #DUnCon, and then again for lunch near home later, I really feel a great new friendship has formed.

The second blog I'd like to point out is that of Brian from TuDiabetes. His Type 2 Diabetes blog, particularly this one, I find inspirational and educational about Type 2. I've tried to explain so many times to people, even my own father-in-law, that Type 2 is NOT "all their own fault", that's there is so much more to it. Most of the Type 2's I know don't even fall within the awful stereotype. My own father developed Type 2 in his 80's, is very thin and guess what - he still has it! Public perception of Type 2 needs to change.

OK getting off my tiny soap box now. Brian has some great observations of Type 2 from one who lives it and who is very in touch with the medical community and the Diabetes community as a whole. I urge anyone who has any interest in Type 2, or Diabetes in general, to take a look.

OK that's all for this week. I hope you all enjoyed!

Motivations

Here we are, Day 6 of Diabetes Blog Week, and today's topic is:Favorites and Motivations.
If you have been blogging for a while, what is your favorite sentence or blogpost that you have ever written?  Is it diabetes related or just life related?  If you are a new blogger and don't have a favorite yet, tell us what motivated you to start sharing your story by writing a blog?

Obviously I'm pretty new to this blogging stuff, so I'll stick with motivations.

What is my motivation? Well, I'll have to blame the Diabetes Unconference (DunCon for short) for that, at least in part.

What was DunCon? DunCon was, in effect, a group of people with diabetes (PWDs) of all types, lengths of time, and experience, gathering together to share trials, successes, challenges and ideas, with the intention of spreading the learnings with other PWDs outside the conference. March 2015 was the first occurrence ever of this conference, and for me it was quite the eye opener, in many ways.

Understand, for 44 years I have been a - well... Lone Diabetic - of sorts. I have met a couple other PWDs in that time, but I haven't been close with many. A few years back I met a few online, and we have our own little group who shares some of life's tribulations, which has helped me in times of struggle (Joanna, Carol, Jessica, Delanna, Kate and so many more). Let me tell you tho - meeting a large group of 90 some-odd PWDs with the intention of sharing our innermost struggles about this beast we all struggle with from day to day, was absolutely enlightening.

I got to meet people I followed for some time on blogs, who I so related to the life stories and struggles, and other bloggers I hadn't seen the blogs of yet, but now follow avidly, More importantly, I connected with other people about our disease with the urgent feeling as a person thrown a life saver while drowning off a boat (which I would never do as I'm an awesome swimmer). I came home speaking of nothing else for weeks, with the burning desire to "do more".

But how?

Well, I thought about that, a lot, and still do.

                      In a perfect world, I would quit my job today and go work as a
                      volunteer for JDRF, or ADA, or some other charity serving the
                      people who share this life with us.

         This isn't a perfect world.

                    Someday we want to retire.

         So I need another means.

                                           Hence - "The Blog"

After 44 years with Diabetes, I must have something to share, right?

            Even if it's just the occasional story of something I encountered,

                    Or some struggle I found a way through,

                               Or a joy I found,

           I want to do more, and when I figure out how,

                         I will

       Until then,

                  Enjoy!
   

My Wild and Crazy D-Life!

OK it's not that wild or even that crazy,  but in the interests of Day #5 of #DBlogWeek, I'll pulling the Crazy Stories Wildcard today: Diabetes can sure bring some crazy moments.  So tell us your Top 3 craziest D related stories!  If you can't think of three, don't worry.  We're just as happy with one or two . . . .

Let's see...

The earliest story I remember is from elementary school. I was a toddler when diagnosed and don't remember that time at all. I remember from kindergarten sitting on a garden swing and drinking juice. It turns out, what I don't remember, is that I wandered out of class, down a few roads, across a small highway, across the Electric company Right-of-Way and into this nice lady's backyard and sat on her swing. She somehow got my phone number out of me and called home, where I believe my Mom told her to give me juice. How I eluded teachers and got that far safely is beyond me, but it all turned out well. Same thing happened - later the same year I believe, but the principal was driving by and picked me up off the highway where I was walking. I think, ultimately, I was going home. Home was quite a bit further away but I was going the right way!

Hmm...
Another story is more fragmented. My lows - what I called insulin reactions growing up, changed over the years. From a young age I hallucinated - that's the earliest manifestation I remember. When I got a little older - say pre-teen - a much scarier type happened. The first time, I woke up, knew something was terribly wrong, sat up and screamed "Mom!!" and was then paralyzed. I couldn't move a muscle. The parents came in and saw me awake, with my eyes open, but stiff as a board. They moved me downstairs somehow, carrying me awkwardly. I wasn't talking. I think they thought I lost my ability to understand, because they talked to me, then said the same things slower, I understood everything going on and what they were saying - I just couldn't respond. They finally started feeding me something - juice with sugar probably - or honey spoonfuls (gag!). Just before they decided to bring me to the hospital I started coming out of it. It only happened a couple times, but it was pretty bad. I had less serious occurrences in college twice, but each time I could at least walk (sort of) and get myself juice... And call a friend... and scare the hell out of her saying nothing but "Iiiinnnnnsssulliiiiinnnnnn" - Heh - but that's another story.

Third story - well I won't go in depth into it here, because Andrew Curry, working with ADA, did it for me here: Going Low. The only additional info is that I saw my sugar at 60 but the meter actually read 40 - and when I came to, it was 37, so I literally spent 8 hours between 40 and 37 unconscious on the floor. I changed my life and care a bit after that one.

Well that's my crazy D-Life! I hope you "enjoyed"!

Changing Minds

Today's topic - Changes
Today let's talk about changes, in one of two ways.  Either tell us what you'd most like to see change about diabetes, in any way.  This can be management tools, devices, medications, people's perceptions, your own feelings – anything at all that you feel could use changing.  OR reflect back on some changes you or your loved one has seen or been through since being diagnosed with diabetes.  Were they expected or did they surprise you?

Well, I have been through MANY changes in the past 44 years with Diabetes.
Emotional, physical, attention, methods, you name it, it's changed.

I've gone from a couple of pee-tests a day and one shot of NPH, to a couple of shots with NPH and Regular, to minimal blood tests and multiple shots. to using Lantus and Humalog, to many blood tests, an Omnipod pump and now the Dex CGM to boot!

I could talk all day about those changes, but I won't.

I'm going to reflect, as my buddy at Diabetesaliciousness did, on what I want to change.

I want to change the public's attitude on Diabetes.

         Type 1 is not "The most important kind" or the "Bad kind"

                   Type 2 is not the "Better kind" or "Caused by the patient".

         Type 1 does not just happen to kids - 50% are adults on diagnosis!

                   Type 2 does happen to skinny people - and children!

                               An A1C of 4.7 to 5.8 cannot be the end all be all of limits
                               for a healthy patient.

                                     Those above that range are not "non-compliant"
                                     or not trying!!

All people with Diabetes - Type 1, Type 1.5, Type 2, MODY, LADA - require
intense scrutiny of blood sugars, foods, activity, etc.

There is no Bad kind - as there is no Good kind. It all sucks!

There are no non-compliant patients - just those those who don't meet the
sometimes unrealistic standards set for us by the medical community.

OK, I have more to say, but I'll leave it there.

Love to all!

P.S. - If any of the above confuses you - ask, AND read the following
AWESOME explanation of Type 2:
Changing misunderstanding of type 2

House Cleaning

Well... with regards to the "Cleaning Out the Diabetes Closet" theme, from a  physical supplies perspective, I'm doing pretty well.

          My husband would interject here - try cleaning out your other closet!
                      And your dresser!
                                   And your desk!

So other than a few hundred lancets I may never use

                 (and who doesn't have too many of those!)

                                     My Diabetes Closet could stand to have one thing ditched...


                      Excuses!!!

 Excuses like:

          It's too late to exercise...

                            I'm too tired to exercise...

                                               Basal checks are such a hassle!

                                               I want to train for the Ride to Cure but...

                              My bike isn't a road bike...

         Where will I bike to train?

It's gonna be so hot soon...


OK Cleaning!

         I have a bike to start training with!

                      Biking after hours with water is workable.

                                 

                        Let's do this!

What I won't tell...

As of late, I talk a lot about my Diabetes.
   
               I mean - A LOT

                                Kinda driving the hubby insane, in fact.

              I may lose Facebook friends because of it - well not lose
              them but they may stop following me....

But that's life. Right now, this is my passion. In fact, I've never felt more passionate about sharing my life with Diabetes, and conversely learning more about other people's lives with Diabetes. And I am sharing, and telling all...

Well... almost all...

              There are one or two things I don't speak of much.


       Maybe I will some day,


                       At least in more detail,

                                                                But not today.

Suffice it to say I suffer from depression, some diabetes related, some not, but I don't speak of it much, and I'm not going to say much of it here.

I do want to mention it though, I think a lot of people with Diabetes suffer depression.

     Consider the average person

                A Job                       spouse                   kids
   
          Gym membership                Club memberships       kids sports and clubs

                    Now, add constant attention to sugars

                                Counting every carb

                                           And when it doesn't work
                       
                   handling the fallout

It's a lot to handle, and we don't all handle it well.

                      Thank you for your patience with us.

I Can...

Growing up in the '70's and '80's, my parents did their best to not set limits.
Back in the days of blood tests every 6 months at the local hospital and one shot a day to control sugars, I was still allowed to swim when I wanted, and bike all over the area. I went to summer camps - it must have been quite difficult for them, looking back, to allow me this freedom. Thinking about how often I went out exploring alone on my bicycle with nothing in my pocket but a couple of bugs for comics at the local 7-11, I'm probably pretty lucky that nothing bad happened.

There were a couple of things that I figured I would never be able to do, however.

1. Eat what I want.
2. Grow up healthy.

My diet growing up was very structured per the "exchange Diet" popular at the time. A glass of milk with every meal (still barely touch the stuff to this day), starch (pasta usually), vegetables, fruits and meat. This wasn't all bad - we had fresh vegetables around a lot from Mom's garden. I love raw fruits and vegetables. But that was generally it. Ice cream only on special occasions. Cake once a year (birthday - tho it was typically an ice cream cake for me). That is not to say I didn't spend some of that comic money on candy, because I did, but I felt oh so guilty when I did!

While I maybe didn't recognize how restricted it was at the time, when I got to college, I ate whatever I wanted when ever I wanted and as much as I wanted. I skipped shots (MDI by then) and landed in the hospital 2-3 times for a week at a time. I learned my lesson the hard way. DON'T DO THAT. So back to a semi structured plan I went.

Now, as an adult, with an insulin pump, and counting carbs, I really can have what I want, when I want, and mostly how much I want of it. I just need to count carbs, inject enough insulin and go on my way. It's never quite that simple, but that's the basics. I CAN eat what I want and enjoy it without guilt.

The other mental restriction was I really never believed I would grow up healthy. Much as I love the magazine, Diabetes Forecast was the prime reason for my fear on this one. What young person with diabetes wants to read about all of the people who have had amputations, or went blind from a disease you feel you have no control over. I figured I'd be lucky to make it to 35.

Well, here I am, 47 and pretty healthy. I promised my husband I'd do my best to make it to 85 so we could have 40 years together, so I'm working on it! We're at 10 years married and 13 years together so far.

I know of many other PWDs who do anything they want - rock climbing, mountain climbing, long distance cycling, movie stars, become mothers, just to name a few.

Newer PWD's - you can do anything!

Diabetes Misconceptions

Reading through the posts on #IWishPeopleKnewThatDiabetes, posted by the wonderful @diabetesalish, I realized that some of the things that bug people the most about what others know about Diabetes, are things we people with Diabetes (PWDs) know as a matter of course. I forget sometimes that not everyone knows that we stab ourselves in the fingers numerous times every.single.day. Not everyone knows that many PWDs can't afford the medicine they need to live, or do without things others find casual in order to afford it, like movies, lunch out, new clothes, etc.

In some way, I can excuse that. If you're not living with something in your own house, you can get away without knowing about it. However, do not make random comments about it either!

To the point, there are several common misconceptions the general public has related to Diabetes. I'd like to address them, and ask those who were previously unaware to think before they speak on these topics.

Misconception #1:     Only kids get Type 1 Diabetes!

      Per JDRF: 
      Around 50% of the people diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes today are adults 1!
           That's half kids, half adults people!!

The corollary to this is that adults are the ones with Type 2 Diabetes.  Given the long standing Type 1 Diabetes (T1D) alternate description as Juvenile Diabetes, it's understandable where this came from. Things change as people are living longer and longer with T1D.  I've had it over 44 years. I know at least three people over 50 years with T1D, and Joslin Clinic gives out medals to people who have lived with Diabetes for 25, 50, 75 and 80 years.

If you do the math from above. you'll understand the following:

     The [p]ercentage of people in the U.S. living with T1D who are adults: 85%.1" 

#2: People with Diabetes get it because they are fat and/or ate too much sugar!

This is a common myth aimed directly at Type 2 people with diabetes.
First we have to address what Diabetes is - at least for the two I'm talking about.

     Type 1 Diabetes:
          Per Mayo Clinic:
              [T]he body's own immune system ... destroys the insulin-producing (islet) cells in the pancreas.2

     Type 2 Diabetes:
          Per Mayo Clinic:
               Type 2 diabetes develops when the body becomes resistant to insulin or when the pancreas stops producing enough insulin.3

OK - I didn't see "Develops because of being fat" or "because of eating sugar" up there.Did you??

Commonly overlooked, there is a genetic component to Type 2 diabetes.Yes, being overweight is a risk factor, but without the genetic part, it's not going to happen. Did I mention I know at least one Type 2 average weight young person?

#3: There is a BAD kind of Diabetes.

    Will someone please show me the good kind???

    NEWSFLASH - ALL kinds of Diabetes are bad!!!  

They all require careful balance of activity and food.

Most require medication - many of these medications have unpleasant after-effects that lower the quality of life.

How about that - Some Type 2 medications that are required to stay healthy and alive, are extremely unpleasant to use!

            -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

All kinds of Diabetes, when mismanaged, can cause extreme complications including blindness, amputation and death. And we all live with it, every day, for the rest of our lives, knowing that if we falter in our attention to food, medicine, activity, general health, cuts and scrapes, vision, etc. we risk a greatly altered future. Even then, genetics play a role, with many people with diabetes suffering from multiple auto-immune issues which greatly impact the ability to keep that all balanced.


All we ask is, before you make a generalization, before you criticize, before you ass(u)me - Live a day in our lives and try to understand what we struggle with for the rest of our lives.

Authors Note: Diabetes, Type 1 or 2 or 1.5, etc - are NOT curable at this time in history. Comments relating to cures will not be approved for posting.
1 http://jdrf.org/about-jdrf/fact-sheets/jdrf-and-diabetes-statistics/ 
2 http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/type-1-diabetes/basics/causes/con-20019573 
3 http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/type-2-diabetes/basics/causes/con-20031902 

Scarlet Drops

Sometimes it's the little things that get to you.

You know those times - when you checked your sugar and hit a geyser - or at least it seemed like it! Thin and high shooting in whatever direction you turned your fingertip while staring in horror before you scramble for a tissue to clean up "all that blood!" when it's really only a few drops they're just squirted in teeny droplets everywhere.

Get a couple of those in a month and you start worrying about everything:

           "I can't wear white - what if...?"
          
                       "I can't check now, my friend decorated their bathroom in light
                        colors!"

      "Why did I choose light grey as sheet colors!!"

Ultimately, you stress, you cup your fingertip in anticipation, and then it doesn't happen again for a year, or more. How does it happen anyway, and why so infrequently?

             Note to self - don't Google - blood testing "arterial spray" - again
             - results very disturbing!

I am guessing it's some sort of "lucky hit" to an arterial capillary or something. Google searches just turned up a lot of disturbing hospital stories, which is unsurprising given some of my visits and others I've heard of.

Really - in the end, it's a pretty small thing to worry about it, with blood sugars, highs, lows, complications, carb counting and all of the other daily juggling we do.

              Isn't it?