Pulling the Wild Card!

Welcome to #DBlogWeek Day 4.

Today I'll be doing a running Blog, to cover the Wild Card Topic I've chosen for today:

Some people track every bite they eat, some might not remember at lunch time what they had for breakfast or if they even had breakfast. For one day, document everything you or your loved one with diabetes eats and drinks. The good, the bad, the ugly, the proud, the ashamed, the...whatever. We promise not to judge!!

I'll be keeping track, as the day goes on, as to what I eat, not just for meals, but for lows (and snacks!).

Breakfast today at 6:40am:

Eggo Blueberry Waffles with Butter (because nothing says today is going to be a great day like starting it with Real Butter. Mmmmmm).
Beverage - Mix from work I do - Diet Mountain Dew and a reddish fruit water that I just spent 15 min searching for - but it's yummy!
29 Carbs extended over an hour to cover the butter impact.

Mid morning snack (ok I hit 34 and had to EAT!!!)

Six GlucoLift Cherry Glucose tabs (18 carbs) which probably would have done it but 34 causes a bit of panic...  so followed that up with about 12 Ritz crackers (24 carbs) - followed by a unit of insulin a bit later to cover that spike.

Lunch at noon   ------------------------------>>>

Salad with chopped egg (15ish carbs)

Chocolate chip cookie (26 carbs)

Sobe lean cranberry grapefruit

Snack at 2:30p - remainder of my Ritz as sugars slowly sink to 82. This kept my sugar up around 90 at the 5pm end of day.

Dinner
About 1c white rice - 45g carbs - treat with 3U Humalog
3 oz seasoned salmon
7 brussel sprouts

AND - dessert - ok not quite but it's yummy!
1oz Grey Goose Vodka with 1oz  Buttershots Dekuypers Schnapps...
OK maybe 1.5 oz of each - hey it's a stressful week - ask me about it!

Hopefully I won't have to add a snack for miscalculation with alcohol later but we'll see, won't we? :-)

Watch Your Language!

How many times have you heard that from your parents? :-)

#DBlogWeek Day 3 Prompt:
Many advocate for the importance of using non-stigmatizing, inclusive and non-judgmental language when speaking about or to people with diabetes. For some, they don't care, others care passionately. Where do you stand when it comes to “person with diabetes” versus “diabetic”, or “checking” blood sugar versus “testing”, or any of the tons of other examples? Let's explore the power of words, but please remember to keep things respectful.

I have a slightly different take on the "PWD vs Diabetic" conversation. I was diagnosed back in 1971-ish range. The term "Diabetic" was generally used at that time - no one thought anything of it. Now we're in the 21st century and people are, as Heather Gabel pointed out, using "Person-first" language. Example - People with Diabetes, rather than Diabetic. I know a number of people who are varying levels of vehemently against terms like Diabetic in that it identifies a person as a disease or implies a close relation. I do my best when around multiple people who share my condition to fall on the most polite of courses, namely "PWD" or Person with Diabetes.

Now, for myself, I've really never thought of Diabetes as a disease. I mean, according to all the dictionaries I bothered to look at just now, it is indeed a disease, but I've always thought of it as a condition. I think of disease as something you catch, whether from people, insect, plant or food, is treatable and it ends eventually, via health or death. Well, we all do die eventually, right?

I like to think of it as - something happened and now my pancreas doesn't work right. I can take it out and replace it (I KNOW it's not that easy!) or I can react to the lack of insulin production. A chair with three legs has a condition known as "unbalanced" (much like me, but that's another tale). I have a condition known as "broken pancreas" and therefore I am a Diabetic - which really means "with close relation to Diabetes" or some such. The -ic ending defines us all... I own this term and am proud of my progress in controlling my condition and in sharing my thoughts, as evidenced in this blog.

On the -ic thought...

I am not only Diabetic...

     I am Dramatic (ask my husband)...

          I am Emphatic...

               I am somewhat neurotic...

                    And - I am Ecstatic that you came to read my blog!!

Love and Hugs!

Take my stress... No - please!

Day two of #DBlogWeek...
Tuesday's Prompt: We think a lot about the physical component of diabetes, but the mental component is just as significant. How does diabetes affect you or your loved one mentally or emotionally? How have you learned to deal with the mental aspect of the condition? Any tips, positive phrases, mantras, or ideas to share on getting out of a diabetes funk? (If you are a caregiver to a person with diabetes, write about yourself or your loved one or both!)

As is obvious to anyone with diabetes for longer than a week, or maybe less, diabetes introduces a whole other level of stress into your life. I actually did NOT understand this until well into adulthood when someone had me explain what I do each day to manage diabetes, and she said - WHAT??!! in horror. I guess I really don't think about what I have to do sometimes. It's been 45 years - most of it is routine at this point. Especially when wearing the Dexcom and pump. I've never felt that diabetes caused my depression, but it certainly is a few extra straws. I talked about it with my psych one day, how I always felt like I had too many balls up in the air and was just waiting to drop one, and wondering/worrying which ball it would be.

Turns out - what I need to do periodically is to look at all the shiny colorful balls and choose which one is less important for a while and let that one drop when needed. Sometimes it's housework (ok a lot of times :P ), sometimes it's being social (that one a little too much dropped) and sometimes I get a little lax on diabetes. We're not talking drop the balls entirely - just not looking at my Dex every half hour and just letting it alarm at me if needed.

As for my life partner, husband and love of my life, the stress inherent in taking care of my diabetes certainly shows in him. He's an active partner, pointing out when he thinks I might be low when I'm babbling on for no apparent reason, reminding me to bring my supplies when going on a walk around the neighborhood and running to grab OJ when needed. He wants to take my worries for me, sweet thing. He can't really do that, but it is really nice to have a little bit of a safety net, rather than to be alone as I was for my first 34 years of life and 31.5 years of diabetes. I am truly blessed to have him in my life.

My other means of escaping the "diabetes funk" we all  go thru from time to time... All of you - My D-Friends. The sharing we all do together is my other lifeline - We are not alone. Everyone's journey is different, and we all travel the road in our own way, but we can travel with friends, and share our successes and failures and that, my friends, is what the DOC is all about.

What is my message?

Why am I here? Not in the usual, philosophical search for God type of "Why?", but from the practical angle of why do I feel my voice needs to be heard, or more gently, why do I want to share my thoughts... That is not to say that there is also a philosophical angle as well, but I'll get to that.

For me, the most important Diabetes message would have to be - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! That means EVERYONE - T1, T2, T1.5 (LADA), Gestational, Monogenic, MODY, NDM, and any others I haven't heard of. While how the balancing works may vary, we all have things in common to bind us together. We all have a dietary concern and we all worry about blood sugar levels. It drives me crazy that there are those among us who feel their type is "worse" than another, or who still believe that some types of diabetes are self inflicted. (Be aware, I am moderating comments and hurtful ones will not be posted.)

We did not do this to ourselves - NONE OF US - NOR DID OUR PARENTS! My parents didn't feed me sugar the first two years of my life causing part of my pancreas to kick the bucket. My Type 2 friends did not eat themselves into it. In fact, modern science is starting to find that the weight issues seen alongside Type 2 may actually be indicators of the diabetes developing rather than than the cause.

As for what I am trying to accomplish, I would like to make sure that one person, any one person, realizes there are people out here that understand and are here for them. I was alone for most of my first 20+ years of my diabetes, and at times, it was crushingly lonely - no one understood. I didn't understand until 5 trips to the hospital that I am my own advocate and I can walk out of a hospital if I feel the need to do so (A six day trip in for a low that became high that became higher that became one more night for more testing until my father showed up and said Let's go!). We are here for you. Ask questions, ask for help. Someone out here has experienced something similar and can at least be there to listen.

I'm here - ask me about my diabetes, or yours, any time!

Depression and Diabetes

I thought I'd take a different tack on what many have addressed in the recent past.
I'm not talking about Diabetes Burnout, though that is a very real thing and I have experienced that as well over my last 40+ years with type 1 diabetes.

No, what I want to discuss/ponder about is having chronic depression alongside
diabetes.  This is something I've never really talked about "publicly" until very
recently (the Diabetes Unconference 2015), so please bear with me...

I have had symptoms of depression as long as I can remember. It wasn't too bad
when I was a child (I think) though some centered around being the "different kid".
Four-eyed, pigeon-toed teacher's pet - is kind of a label and a half to grow up with,

          Four-eyed - glasses since age three-ish.
          Pigeon-toed - yep - toes pointed in all my life - years of ballet couldn't fix it.
                 Thought it was less noticeable until a past boyfriend mentioned that he
                 thought it was "undyingly cute" that my toes pointed in - really??!!!??
          Teacher's pet - because what else do you call a kid who gets special snacks
                 in the middle of the day, or "gets to" be carried to the nurses office in
                 a hurry when she's passing out? Lucky kid! How dare she?!

Yeah - so I wasn't the happiest kid, but the depression really kicked in around college. I took off - left New York State and landed in Boston - not knowing anyone, and determined to make it work. I recreated myself - made myself look people in the eye, talked boldly to people (while quaking in my sneakers), and even got a job in a very busy convenience store to facilitate that type of interaction.

Know what? It didn't stop my depression. I still felt all alone. I had met one other Type 1 there - in the city of Boston - yes - one other diabetic - and his treatment method was insulin and getting drunk every night on beer. We didn't talk much. I had roommates and didn't really have any friends I felt open enough to share my alone-ness with so I'd find corners - The cement quad by the co-op buildings at midnight - a short walk from the dorm at the time  -it was a great place to break down and cry until I felt I could get a grip on it.

When my roomie was out I'd sit on the windowsill and look down ten floors at the cement walkway and think thoughts, but I'd talk myself out of them every time. "How would Mom feel" was my go to mantra.

My Diabetes wasn't under the best care - three week-long visits to University Hospital - now renamed and grouped elsewhere - for DKA and Pyelo-nephritis and I finally got myself an endocrinologist. I liked him, but I'm not sure he knew what to do with me. I was ALWAYS the youngest patient in his office and I think the longest term T1D he'd seen. He left a lot of things to me that probably shouldn't have been.  Until a couple years ago I still had never heard of Joslin, just a few miles away from my college.

Depression was never a discussion. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Why isn't depression one of the topics our Endos bring up with us? No - not everyone with Diabetes suffers it, but I'm thinking with all we juggle every day, we experience on average a higher amount of stress and have more depression triggers than some others, so why not?

Why have none of the many therapists I've seen in the past ten years (yeah it took me a while to get on board) ever brought up Diabetes as a trigger?

I have a lot more I could say on this topic but this was all pretty overwhelming so I'll leave it at this:

                  Maybe the burning desire to do more about Diabetes in the world
                  is leading me to this - to recognition that Diabetes and Depression
                            are something that needs to be discussed and treated.

                                                       And maybe I will...